; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
