Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
