She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is that strawberry winking at me??
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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