I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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