i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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