It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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