OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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