Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
