My room smells like vodka and shame
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
