woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
