Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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