My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she peed on how many people?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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