margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
