kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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