Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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