Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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