does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
