Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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