i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
