We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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