I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
