And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
