Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
