So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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