man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
