It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
