I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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