at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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