I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
