Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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