Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
