Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so let's talk penis.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
