why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize