just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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