I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
