if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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