Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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