Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
