Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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