My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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