After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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