I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
