I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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