I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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