nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
