Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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