Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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