New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
