There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize