Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
