mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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