i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize