Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
