I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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