I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
