you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I love you.
Bad choice
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
