oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
