just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
