Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
