I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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