You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
