It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
