Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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