whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
