I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
