If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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