ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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