someone get that fucking seahorse.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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