when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize