So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm at about main and main street
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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