come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
