do herpes really smell.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
