just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
