well I can't set my house on fire every night
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
