what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize