I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
