tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
