Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
