So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
