My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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