My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
