oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
be right there i have to get my cape
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
