I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
