You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
