D3 body, D1 cock
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There's always time for handjobs
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
