wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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