4 words: hood of his car
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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