I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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