hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
