seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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