make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
