Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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