It was confusing and full of hummus
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
