i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
