matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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