I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize