Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
