i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
