Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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