Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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