also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
