so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
ok first of all what the fuck
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
