And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
