I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
