I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Never underestimate the power of titties
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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